New Letter / Lou's Letter

Well its me your French pen friend (if I was French). I’m doing Dancing on Ice at the moment, are you watching and voting or do you want me to chop off my ear and sling it in the river? 

No but I love it. I’ve always wanted to be in a dance troupe, and as a lady over forty, the chances of this were certainly on the wain.  Not really the age, more that I had no formal training, no casual training and crucially cannot dance. Someone at a party on new years eve said ‘well obviously you’re dyspraxic’ and I thought WHAT, ME? I DON’T THINK SO.  So I crawled out from under the table where I was fishing around for my key, banged me head and fell over. Yes, I showed her alright. Actually the lady who said it is a babe, and a babe who talks sense. 

Anyway my first dance we really went out guns a blazing and the marks were low. SASSY OR WHAT?  But there’s now room for improvement! And when we get turfed out, I’m going to say: “I am not a quitter, I won’t give up! SEE YOU NEXT WEEK! I’ll wink at the camera and Brendyn and I will do a victory lap around the ice shouting ‘we are the champions’ until they get us off. And its live, so it should be a laugh. 

No, I never would disrespect tele like this. I’m mainstream ITV now don’t you know, and I have my soundbites ready: ‘Thank you for the opportunity to shine on primetime’. I bow, and shit myself. Good night! 

Anyway, have you booked tickets for my tour yet? It’s ages away but don’t let that stop you. It’ll come around fast and I want YOU to be front row, so I can show you my corn dolly. Not a euphemism.  I took all of my sixteen sons to a corn dolly workshop. 

OK, LOVE YOU BYE. 

Here’s the linky for tour gigs, book em up: HERE

Still a few more tour dates to come, including Dublin, Bristol and maybe Cork.

Register to vote on Dancing on Ice HERE cos on the night you have five seconds.